Welcome Lily! Our 2nd Lao birth story

Our little girl arrived Sunday, Sept. 1st at 6am, less than 2 hours after I got to the hospital.
Her name is Lily Namfon, which means Lily Rain or if you put grammatically correct in Lao, Rain Lily, which is a small beautiful pink flower. Also, she was born during rainy,  monsoon season.

I knew the Sturday before she would be coming very soon, but I was hoping she would wait a few more days. Friday I had gone to see my doctor for fetal monitoring and my doctor then informed me she had to go to Thailand for 3 days and introduced to me my (gulp) male, non-English speaking doctor. Now, granted I gave birth in this hospital before but my doctor was lovely, and I was so happy she would be assisting me with this birth as she already knew everything I wanted..but now a new doctor! And since passa hospital ( Lao hospital language) is not my strong point I was even mor scared. Scared too since they said my little girl was big and that they may have to do c section but wouldn't know until I was in labor. Ahhhh!

So 4 am Sunday I knew she wasn't waiting until my doctor was back. It was time. Now. Called my sister in law who lives next door and she had her truck ready in 5 minutes ( I really  didn't want to have to go to the hospital on motorbike..phew). By 4:15 the new doctor checked me and said I was already at 7cm so he said I'd be delivering soon. Now, in a Lao hospital women walk around right up until delivery, so that's what I did. Besides, gravity helps things progress, don't tell me to lie down! So I walked the halls of Setthathirath hospital for the next hour or so, in my birthing Lao skirt that's required stopping to hold on something a contractions grew and I practiced my visualizations of clouds or ocean waves saying to myself out loud " I can do this" ... Then when the doctor called me to check again it was time. He ordered me up on the table and I admit, I fought about holding on to the stupid metal hand grips and he said push and I again fought, saying its not time. He said its time for your baby to come out, push!!!!! And once again I said its not time, and all the while my poor husband is there holding my hand and he says to me, "Lily's head .. I can see, push!" So ok, I'll listen to my husband but not the doctor, laugh.... So I pushed. 3 or was it 4 times and pop! There she was!

It was all over and I was back in my room at the international clinic side by 6:20. Once again a natural birth, no meds for the birth but now it was time for meds for me. Because she came so fast I had a lot of bleeding. A lot. Even my doctor was little worried. I was scared to death about them saying I would need a blood transfusion, so I did everything they asked to prevent that.. 3 bags of pitocin, shots to stop bleeding, suppositories to stop the bleeding, laying only on my back for a day (not fun) but on day 2 it stopped. My Lao doctor also during this time ordered me NOT to observe the local custom of laying by the fire or drinking anything hot ..he said it had the potential to make the bleeding worse. I did feel bad for my husband since these customs are the norm for his village, ESP. Because the doctor said, "don't do as Lao people did 100 years ago.."

So I was in the hospital longer than expected but I didn't mind, it gave me quiet time with La and our little girl before coming home to a busy house with our 1 year old son River and all the visitors. And family. Yeah, the hospital was actually relaxing..5555

So, here I am. Hopefully, finished with childbirth..2 is enough..everyone says we have good luck, one boy, one girl. I agree.. I couldn't be happier...Now its time to bring on the momma game.

Welcome to the world my little girl!

Calling Lao Multi-Cultural Parents! Ma der!

(not my kids, I was cart racing with the neighborhood kids..)

NOTE: FB link if you want to skip all my babbling: 

https://www.facebook.com/groups/LaoMultiCulturalKids/

La and I have been together for some years now. Multi-culture relationships are their own challenge at times. We've never had any real major issues as both of us are open minded to learning from the other. As for La, I give him heaps of credit because he's from the way way outside outside countryside of Lao, in other words nothing like the capital city of Vientiane. Just as he's taught me how to 'Dang Fai" (light the Lao charcoal grill) and the finer points of Lao style living, I've taught him how to use a gas cook stove. And a computer. An a hot shower. And a washing machine. That's really just the beginning.... Anyway, I digress... I can say the only major problems we've ever had stem for language misunderstandings. (Note to multi-language partners, if you DON'T understand, DON'T say you do. Seriously. )

However, as we now are expecting our 2nd child, language and culture becomes all the more important to both of us. If you read the "about me" you know I worked with a Lao community back in the USofA. I know too many cases of kids caring less about their Lao elders. I understand the cultural challenge, just because you ARE biologically an ethnicity doesn't mean YOU are the same. You are HUMAN, you are YOU. If that makes any sense. (No coffee pregger mama speaking.) It doesn't mean you have to follow your culture's traditions, like their food or speak the language. BUT, starting out with kids 2 under 2 I really hope to instill in my kids a love of both their Dad's culture (Lao / Tai Daeng) and Mine (American Mutt - German, Irish and who knows what else ). 

Our situation is reverse of Lao parents in the US. I'm pretty sure River and Lily are going to learn Lao. Probably  100% sure before they learn English. They'll also be fluent in Lao culture. But, now it's even more important I give them a love of Americana (ouch, did I just say that?) But seriously, I want them to know lemonade summers, Rock n Roll, playing in the grass, English, simple phrases like "see ya later alligator", my mom's lasagna... oi.. too many things to list. So, I am trying in Vientiane to make sure both of them will have a few English speaking friends, go to some "falang" (foreigner) events and not just live Lao life 100% of the time. 

Searching the internet for tips on raising what I'd like to call culturally fluent kids, you can find a lot. But not so much specific to Lao multi-cultural kids. Some Thai, but as we know, not "same same". Since I work a Lao pre-school I often come across many materials for kids in Lao language. As those of you outside of Lao know, resources are severely lacking in Lao language let alone Lao for kids. As is a place for us parents to gripe, moan or brag about our kids achievements in only a way a parent who understands this culture can. (Never mind maybe gripe about why the dear Mother-in-law refuses to let your son use pampers or is horrified he eats anything other than rice,fish and "pak vitamin" (a local green). 

Phew. That was long. Anyways, if you are interested, join me on FB to talk more about raising Lao/ _____ kids to love every aspect of their combined heritage.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/LaoMultiCulturalKids/

Cheers!

Kelly

A Lao Lullaby

River is sleeping. So, it's a good time to add a post...and his Papa is in Pakse for  few days working on an upcoming Art project.... Good point is mama doesn't have to share her laptop... ;)





It's sung to the "Where is Thumbkin?" English song.

Actually, there is a Lao version of Where is Thumbkin, which is where I adapted the lullaby from.

The Lao Thumbkin Version (This is the version we sing at the school I work, maybe you know another)

Kneepo yu sai? Kneepo yu sai?  (Thumb, where is?)
Yu nii neh, Yu nii neh. (Here)
Suk sabaidee bo? (Are you well?)
Suk sabadee bo?
Pai gon der (I go first.. bye)
Pai gon der

River's Lullaby version:

___(insert child's name) _____ yu sai? ______ yu sai?
Yu nii neh, Yu nii neh
Suk sabadee bo?
Suk sabadee bo?
Non lap dee (sleep well)
Non lap dee
Dting dang dong (doesn't mean anything, just sound...)

I think it works ;) But then again maybe River is non kiidtua koi... lying about being asleep....555

KICKSTARTER | Lao American Poetry Book

Love this project, had to share here :)
The more funding it gets the bigger the collection published will be and the more illustrations it will have.

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/thaoworra/demonstra-lao-american-art-and-poetry

Language mayhem

La and I made a pact that he would speak Lao and I'd speak English with our little man. However, I am realizing I haven't been speaking English at all with River..gotta work on that. Otherwise his chance of picking up English is quite small considering his father and I are the only ones around him that speak it. 


Just feels rude speaking English when everyone else is speaking Lao. :D 

Would love to hear from other Lao / English families... (yeah I know that's a strectch of a request condsidering how much of the world doesn't speak Lao... but...

Wondering how other bilingual families work it? Comments appreciated. ;) 

I'

Our birth story (the short version)

Wed. Aug. 22nd our little boy arrived, his name is River (named after the Mekong River..) 

Although most of my expat friends thought I was crazy, I had a natural non-medicated birth in a Lao hospital. But Lao hospitals, perhaps because the lack the resources of the hospitals in the West are actually very accommodating to birthing mothers. I love my doctor :) My labor was 11 hours, most of it walking and standing, squatting letting gravity do it's thing. Meditations and visualizations helped more than I can say with working through the pain. Only during the actual delivery did I lay down. I also was able to have both my husband and my doula in the room with me and La was able to help "catch" River.

Since I was one of the first foreigners to have a baby at this hospital, soon afterward River was celebrity with the nurses and their cameras. :D I must admit, language was the biggest challenge. I'm not 100% sure I'd give birth in a hospital again where I can't freely communicate. (Being fluent in a language is one thing, but hospital speak is it's own language.)

After River was born we stayed in the hospital 1 night then came home to grandma and her postpartum care. (Hot herbal baths and Herbal teas.) Originally I was going to also observe the 2 week tradition of laying near the fire (literally) but for me personally, I wanted to be the one taking care of my baby at all times. Also, to be honest, I wasn't fond of the idea of sleeping in my outdoor Lao kitchen, the same place we found a cobra 2 months ago. :/ If I could have been indoors, then maybe. 

This photo is making the traditional herbal bathwater. Mom's bath for at least 15 days with this. (no soap, no rinsing.) We also drink medicinal teas to help promote milk flow during that time. No cold drinks allowed. There are also food restrictions, but these vary according to province. Khamla bought be special free range chicken from the neighbors that I ate with ginger and sticky rice. I did however consume some "falang" (western food) during this time.. after all this girl needs a pizza now and then. ; ) 

Pre-Natal Herbal Medicine - Hmong Style

Hmong herb vendors outside Talat Sao (Morning) Market, Vientiane. They set up everyday and are quiet popular with the locals. Actually most markets have one or two traditional medicinal vendors, however this area usually has around 8 or 9 set up.

Yesterday I had go pay some bills and couldn't resist looking. Ended up buying one for making birth easier, but only because I felt bad that La was taking so many photos.  Since I've already got a huge supply of traditional Lao herbs from M, my mother-in-law, I picked the one I could plant. :-)

This woman had medicine to help birth easier, medicine for more milk and medicine to poop easier after  childbirth... along with medicine women who want to conceive. 

 

(And yes, I'm in the b/w polkadot dress... again.... at 39+ weeks it's one of the few comfortable things I can wear..)

Goodnight Grandpa

I've been mentally processing this for the past few weeks. My maternal/paternal grandfathers passed years ago, and now my other "grandfather" has passed. This is the second time since I've been in Lao someone close to me has passed. Times like these the space between feels very very large. Ironic that I'm now living in his homeland, and he was living in mine.

Thank you for teaching me about Lao culture.
Thank you for making me laugh with your antics. (Yes, of course, we can collect frogs from the local park..)
Thank you for making me try snake soup.
Thank you for trusting me to help you with your medicine and mail.
Thank you for opening my eyes.

Sleep well.

Grandpa Khammanh

Lao Baby Names (Revisited)

Well River is due in about 20 days and we are still working on a Lao name for him. Again.

I posted on a Baby website the following about finding a Lao name....

"We're having a boy and are giving him an English first name (River.. think Mekong..not the actor) a Lao middle name and a Lao surname. My DH wants MuokSao as a Lao name (means morning mist) but I'm not 100% on that one. "Sao" means morning but if pronounced wrong means girl. (Lao is a tonal language) So, I'm sure my American family won't say it right..." actually.... most of the time I can't even say it right!

Most Lao names are given by monks at the temple. Well, some background on our family. Khamla is Tai Daeng. -Red Tai ( It's an ethnic group, not related to Thai. Oi, call him Kon Thai not Kon Lao and you R IN TROUBLE!) ; ) Tai Daeng live in Northern Lao, near the Vietnam border. (You know, that area the USA was busy bombing the daylights out of during the American War or Vietnam War. La's family lived in the caves, farmed at night.. River is going to have an interesting family history for sure. Anyway))  

More about Tai Daeng from http://www.gotlaos.com/taidaengredtai.html :

According to Patricia Cheesman in her book Lao-Tai Textiles: The Textiles of Xam Nuea and Muang Phuan, “Tai Daeng translates as Red Tai but actually refers to their original homelands in the district of Muang Daeng in Vietnam [and] many arguments have been presented as to origin of the name: the Red River, the red funeral blouses or the red waistbands on the women’s tube skirts…The Tai Daeng are one of the largest Lao-Tai groups in the northeast of Laos, having migrated into Houa Phan province from Thanh Hoa province, Vietnam, in the 19th century and the currently make up about 70% of the population of the Tai groups in Houa Phan province.

Your thinking.... Kelly, "WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH LAO BABY NAMES?"  Well, allot really. La's family isn't the temple going sort, there isn't even a temple in his hometown village. (Most Lao names are given by monks) La himself has never even actually given alms etc. It's not his culture..even though, yes, he is "Lao". His family is Phi which another whole blog post...(Not all Americans are the same right?) All his siblings have given their children small nature names: nok/bird nuu/mouse mhek/cloud mangon/dragon .. and unlike many Lao, these AREN'T their nicknames.. it's their full first name. Needless to say, we are keeping religious beliefs out of naming the wee one. 

But both of us would like something a little more formal than officially calling our son Mapanoy (little wolf) or Muu noy (little pig) etc. As a nickname fine, but not an engraved on US passport kinda deal. 

Ugh. So 20 days. (Because thank the USA for having these amazingly complicated "report birth abroad" forms I still need to fill out to make sure "luk sai pen kon american" (baby boy can be an American citizen) 

Top 100 Tai Daeng or Lao baby names.... I haven't found a copy of that bestselling book yet. Anyone have one I can borrow? 

DIY Lao Style: Coconut Bubble Wands

One of the things I love about living here is how much I've learned. I've always liked making things versus buying things, but I'm always impressed with the things "every Lao country kid already knows".

Seriously, we made these at the Montessori school I work at and everyone thought it was great fun. However, when I was telling La about them later that evening, he was a little less than interested... "yeah...so..... next time I'll show you how to make paintbrushes"....... anyway, for those of us raised in a more ready-made consumer culture.. here's a fun afternoon project.

Gather some coconut fronds 

(Any strong yet bendy plant material works, I was born in the Adirondacks, I'm thinking ferns would work? Let me know...)

Strip off the "spine" of the coconut frond. You'll want to use the end near the leaf tip, as it's more flexible.

Tie in a knot, depending on the size bubble you want to make. If you are not adding any corn syrup or veggie glycern to the bubble mix, keep the loops small or the bubbles break easily. (ie.. frustration). Clip off the excess coconut.

Bubble wands are ready for action!

a new chapter

Sabaidee!

Welcome to the first post from Frog & Moon!

I'm Kelly and I've been living in Laos since 2009. I'm also a soon-to-be-mom, due in August 2012.
This blog is to share my love of Laos, all thing DIY, Art, Plant Medicine and Montessori.

(painting by Kristina Lim) 

A little background on Frog & Moon. The story of the Frog and Moon is a folktale in Laos. It also happened on the night I found out I was pregnant, so it's rather special to me. (and here I thought everyone was lighting fireworks and shooting at the moon because of my good news... j/k) 

The tale of the Frog and Moon goes something like this:

"The folktale tells of a giant frog that tried to eat the moon. This in reality is how the Lao explain a lunar eclipse. The disappearance of the moon is taken as a bad sign, so Lao people make a great effort of scaring the frog away from the moon. They fire their guns into the air and make as much noise as they can. The frog is frightened by the noise and it releases its grip on the moon and it is restored to its original shape."

So the moon stays the moon and the frog goes back to eating what frogs eat and in the end all is quiet again when the people put away the noisemakers. 

But for me, my life won't quite be the same as before the frog tried to eat the moon. :)

I look forward to sharing and learning as I start this new chapter. 

With love,

Kelly